By Marina Margulis for Your Tango Are you a newly single man about town? If you haven’t been in the dating world for two decades or more, you’re in for a surprise.A lot has changed since you once-upon-a-time put on (and then took off) a wedding band. Twenty years ago, Katie Couric said the Internet was “becoming really big now” and debated what the @ sign in email addresses meant.
Don’t make a big showing of handing her the rose either.
When asked what she wishes her mom would do differently while dating, Rachel, a smart young graduate student, replied, “I wish she would recognize her own impulsivity and emotional rollercoaster.
She does and says things without recognizing that to some extent our whole family is dating this guy.
Yes, men remain men, and women remain women, but even that distinction is sometimes difficult to make in the modern age.
The best thing to do to figure out dating in 2015 is to buy a drink for several of your twenty or thirty-something friends and probe them for information. Don’t get upset if your date is adamant about you NOT picking her up.
If, however, all your friends hail from the age of dinosaur (such as yourself), here are some quick points to get you started. Don’t get alarmed if you don’t actually speak to your date you meet her. Do not assume it’s because she does not care enough. Nonetheless, many women work long hours and have family or other obligations (SHOCKER! The world today is even uglier than it was thirty years ago.Between online dating and texting each other to arrange a rendezvous, it’s perfectly normal (and acceptable) to not actually speak before you meet. Women worry a great deal about their safety on dates (because there are freaks out there who look like nice guys). She will order her meal herself, thank you very much. She may reach for her wallet at the end of the meal. She has no plans to start burning her bra and parading up and down Times Square chanting anti-man slogans.You’ll just have to wait until a face-to-face meeting to hear her lovely soprano. That’s why it’s best to meet in a mutually agreed upon public place, from where she can either go home by herself (which is also acceptable these days), or allow you to accompany her (if you’re lucky and/or play your cards right). It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to insist on meeting for coffee first. It’s no longer appropriate to show up on a first date with a bouquet of flowers. At one time, during the pre-dawn of mankind, men thought it was manly to order on behalf of “the little woman.” These days, expect your date to make her own choices and verbalize them to the waiter. The fact that she offered is a sign of respect (she doesn’t consider you a walking wallet). I’m looking forward to the next time” is good enough. On the other hand, eventually, no return call or text still means the same as it did 30 years ago—this relationship is going nowhere. Actually, it’s probably beneficial for you as well. Incidentally, if her phone rings during one of those gulps and she has a sudden “emergency,” requiring her to leave, it’s a sign that she does not like you. It was her trusted friend who called at the requested time to get her out should she need to. Frankly, it’s a bit too much too soon (and can even feel creepy). Don’t be too hasty to throw stones; it’s not usually done maliciously. If you thought your date is with a woman who is 39, but she actually looks 43, get over it! She’ll most likely know things about you you divulge them. What you do with that gesture, however, is up to you. This way neither of you commit to a long date before getting a sense of one another first. You don’t even know the woman; you may not even like her. If you insist on giving her something, a single rose will do. If, on the other hand, she looks like your grandmother, have your own friend on standby. Let’s face it—it’s silly to not Google someone before meeting. If you’re a gentleman, you will insist on picking up the check. If you call a woman after a date, do not panic if she does not call you back right away. It’s subtly romantic, without the accompanying sleaze indicator.